reminded of the gospel

(original post june 18 on other blog)

And how the gospel changed MY life
And transformed it

And made that which was ugly, beautiful.

Why I need to be at the shelter…

I am reminded of the power of the gospel in my life.

My roommates and I visited our other roommate Jenni’s church on Sunday since she was leading worship. The pastor talked about the heart of the father nad kept saying we have to rehearse the gospel, we need to be reminded. I’ve had a desire to read through the gospels in the last month so have been doing that when I get a moment but today the gospel intersected my life in such a powerful way…

During the staff meeting today at the shelter, I was struck as I heard one story.

I’m reminded of the power of Jesus Christ.

That he came, died and rose again…

For me.

For my life and yours.

I’m reminded of my story

I’m reminded of my NEED for the gospel

And that I would not be where I am today without it’s hold on my life

I’m reminded that I am a miracle.

That the realization I had a few years ago in Colorado still stands true today, I think that God keeps bringing it up to remind me… to remind me and allow me to celebrate the rescue He’s done in my life and in the lives of those around me… can’t you see it? Can’t you see what God has done? Can’t you see how He is constantly at work to rescue and redeem and restore his lost children?

He keeps reminding me, that the women who have my story, do not have my story. Today, just for a moment, I imagined my life in some of the women’s shoes. I think sometimes too I minimize my story and the stories I hear all the time seem more real and mine seems so far away or that it wasn’t that bad. But when I hear it from someone else’s life I am reminded…

If Christ hadn’t taken a hold of my life, I could very well be in a drug treatment center as well.

If Christ hadn’t taken a hold of my life, I could very well be 24 and have three children to support on my own, with no college education, and not be able to hold a job more than three weeks because of my mental health problems and alchol addiction.

If Christ hadn’t taken a hold of my life, I could very well be selling my body on the streets as the only option I see of supporting my four children.

If Christ hadn’t taken a hold of my life, I could very well be dealing drugs to anyone, even my own teenage kids and their friends, to get by.

If Christ hadn’t taken a hold of my life, I would’ve never experienced… life.

I once was dead and now I live.

He comes to give life and then he makes us a givers of life to others who are dying.

He came and gave me life and now uses me as a life giver. To offer hope with the example of my life and the miracle he has done there.

Sometimes, I just forget. My past does not define me. My life is different now. So sometimes I forget and do not give God the glory. For how different today looks.

I once was lost, and now am found.

I once wondered if I mattered, if life would ever look different or if his was just the way things were supposed to be.

I once questioned if I had any true worth of value, or if I was just an object.

I once lived in fear.

Trapped in my own shame and fighting for my life.

Believing as I was nothing.

Unable to make decisions on my own.

Second guessing everything and everyone.

Then reality collides with my world again and I’m reminded. I’m reminded of the gospel.

3 stabbings in the last 3 weeks. All DV related. (domestic violence).

One murder, her body was chopped up and he threw body parts all over the woods. The body was identified just months ago. Front page of the Tribune for two days. She was a woman we had seen, but was ADA, so we weren’t able to house her onsite but hoteled her. He found her from friends leaking her location. Two months later, she is killed.

Or the woman who is currently in the ER was was stabbed 22 times… later we found not with a knife, but with a syringe. Filled with vicks vapor rub to knock her out.

Then the one that breaks my heart the most is *Sarah.

A lady from a nearby shelter in Fulton called and said they were refusing her becausae everyone is this town knows she’s got issues. Her mental health history extends from schizophrenia, depression, bipolar and PTSD. She hears voices a night. A lot related to PTSD. The stories weren’t matching up. The one from the shelter in Fulton, the one from the nurse at the ER. She was at the ER after being stabbed by her abuser. It was obvious she needed shelter, but they also found out she has chronic homelessness.

She has been bounced around her whole life. The scary part was as they started sharing her extensive childhood abuse, there were so many similarities with my own.

One of my mentors at the Shelter looked at me, but I wouldn’t make eye contact.

How does this stuff happen.

It was like our lives were identical up until a specific point. Where the fork in the road split.

It reminds me of grace.

It reminds me that I am saved by grace alone. And the life I now have is a gift. The life I can now share with people is a privilege. To get to share and see God lift others out of pain as well, it doesn’t have to be specifically the same, pain is pain, is a privilege, not a right.

It reminds me that I was spared for a reason. That it was not of anything I did or have earned, but for the purpose of going and taking part of the rescue mission God already has underway in the lives of others. One life at a time.

Then we find out she’s 19.The whole room gasps. "She's so young," everyone laments.

She’s on 13 different medications.

This place is a mess. But there is hope. Not in a trite, christiany way of looking at things, but no, this place is a mess. The only real solution is Christ coming. Christ coming into the Shelter, Christ coming into the lives of the homeless. Christ coming and loving the people dying of AIDS all over the world. Christ coming for the lonely middle-age wives in suburban America. Christ coming and taking a hold of His people is our only hope. When Christ comes and enters a life, things are never the same. It is our only hope.

Rehearse the gospel… the heart of the father is revealed in the Gospel.

We just have to keep going back to the Gospel. My pastor says this a lot know and this pastor on Sunday said it. That the Gospel is our starting place. We don’t start with the problems or circumstances then ask God for help or try to make sense of it in light of the Gospel, no we start with the Gospel. We start with the Father’s heart. And stand in awe of a love that can never fade.

*name change