4th of July reunion!

Happy 4th of July from the ladies of the Rock... a little late :) Here's some of the lovely ladies from our church at a 4th of July cookout we had on campus. It was a blast and wonderful reuniting with everyone since I've been away support raising! God's blessed us with a beautiful community and a church that is truly home and truly family.

Olivia and me.

SOOO, here's our unofficial Rock sorority picture . . . you kinda had to be there . . . sometimes we think we're cute. Now you all know what we were REALLY up to while the guys were grilling. I love these girls!

el numeros aka the support report

since you're all dying to know ;)

Praise: First gifts are still coming in so there’s not an accurate percentage yet, but God has blessed me with 19 “recurring gift” partners and 10 “special gift” partners so far, praise God!

The local church is the hope of the world.

(original post: july 3)

“One major facet of the beauty of the local church is its power to transform the human heart…”

Something about last night provoked me to go re-read a few chapters about the beauty of the church in Hybel’s Courageous Leadership.

I was struck by its beauty, once again. The beauty of the Church. Last night I was at a surprise engagement party for two friends in our church and it was amazing to be there and sense the anticipation as we waited while Chris was proposing to Aimee and hung out and were family. And then to be a part of their first few moments as an engaged couple as they walked through the doors and saw all of us. We got to watch the engagement on tape because Chris, being the smart guy he is, brought the camera along which was nothing ordinary for Aimee. They were at Shooting Star trail and usually make funny videos out there, so she said she didn’t think anything of it.

The video didn’t have audio on it so Chris and others were reenacting what was said when and where and it was so adorable to watch the proposal and see her reaction. It was so beautiful to be there as a church family and support them in their next steps.

It was really good for me to be “home” if you will and surrounded by people I love and know love me.

The last four weeks, as I’ve started support raising, myself and a few others I’ve placed in authority in my life decided the best thing for me to be able to be faithful to this process would be to be away. I’m raising support mostly in the same place I grew up in which happens to be the same place the church I’m going on staff with is located and so we’ve gotten creative as to how to make this work. The separation was hard in the months I was preparing to be away and the grieving period, but now I’m seeing that the Lord put that on our hearts for a reason, it has helped me remember the mission I’m called to right now more fully and my desire to be back with my church family at the Rock increases as I visit other churches and communities. For the support raising period through these first few months, I’ve become a part of another church community and small group in town and most weekends I’m out of town visiting other churches.

I am so grateful that God has provided and is meeting my every need relationally in this process, by providing a community that allows me to grow and be a part of and love and new relationships with other women my age and older in community churches.

“Home is not where you first lived, but where you feel most alive.” - Garden State

I am reminded each time I do get to see some of the girls in our church or stop in at our church-wide Sunday dinners at the Drages this summer or nights like last night, that I am most alive there and the Rock is home. It’s a short-term loss, for a long-term gain. Being away was hard at first, but it is only temporary so I can be here more fully later. Seeing God provide a home away from home has been amazing but home is something you can never replace.

Along this journey, I’ve been so blessed by getting to see what God is doing in other parts of the state and our city. Last week I visited a church plant of The Journey in South County, St. Louis and left once again in awe of the mission and story of God and His people rising up to take their place in that. There is nothing more beautiful than a people of God united in one vision, to love and redeem this broken world. God is moving His people and advancing his kingdom in all of these unseen pockets… I’ve been really motivated to be on mission where I’m at, in this city, in our church, to be a part of what God is doing in and through our city and to see God use his people, his church to redeem. As Hybels says again and again in this book, "the local church is the hope of the world."

The church is broken and it is beautiful.

"The one thing we can offer that the world can’t is grace." - Philp Yancey

And that is our gospel…

Why Support Raising Does NOT Suck, Part III

Continued from a friend's blog:

5 It brings you to people of all different types, but especially those who have known you since you were young. For me this ranges from people who knew me before i came out of the womb to people who saw me play basketball and football in high school. Everywhere i turn there is a wonder at how i have changed. And it is another opportunity to praise God, because if Jesus did not save me and give me the Holy Spirit, i would be far worse. We’ve been talking about mentioning evidences of God’s grace at work in people lives at Mars Hill; people point out God’s transforming grace in my life and it makes me praise Jesus. Sweet.

6 You’re like a salesman, but you break all the paradigms. By all means you need to be confident, articulate, and straightforward…but you’re not looking for a sale that you’ll never see again. Instead, you are planting seeds and cultivating relationships. Money is a part of it, but you’re seeking so much more.

And I would add:

Support raising is about building relationships, it’s about people. What matters most at the end of the day is the connections you made and the things you shared and learned from each other in that conversation. Those are the things that carry you through this process. The way that God loves you through other people. People you know and complete strangers. Through them welcoming you into their home, allowing you to play with their kids. A transaction takes place that far transcends anything financial. In this process, your constantly vulnerable before God, as you trust Him with your heart as you go and share your deepest dreams and hopes with people who can accept it and understand or think you're crazy. But when someone looks you in the eye and sees your passion and says I believe in what you're doing, or what you're doing is important, or I want to be a part of this mission, everything else falls to the ground. This process is about simply sharing what the Gospel has done in your life, sharing what Jesus means to you and what He's done and how your life will never be the same. It's about uniting people who otherwise wouldn't have met and partnering to advance the kingdom so we can reach the nations.

Why Support Raising Does NOT Suck, Part II

Continued from a friend's blog:

3 The nature of support raising means you witness to God’s mercy in your life. When you talk about how your debts have been paid to numerous people, if you really believe it, each time the story fills you with joy. It’s been a gift to hear the gospel over and over in my story as i share with people; God uses me to preach his gospel to me everyday–what a trip. Thankful people are joyful people and discontent is found in those who believe they are entitled. The gospel maximizes joy–so long as you get the debt that was paid, and i mean REALLY get it. Oh that God would give us eyes to see and ears to hear.

4 Bible verses you learned when you were 5 start making a different kind of sense as you see them unpacked in your experience. All of a sudden you sit down with your Sunday school teachers who taught you the Word when you were a snotty little brat, and by the grace of God, they are able to see God’s Word not return void but come to fruition in your life. You start saying things like whoever loses his life for my sake will find it, and you believe it more than you believe in the chair you’re sitting in–and they see it too. Crazy.

Today. Luke 6:40 says, “A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone when he is fully trained will be like his teacher.” This truth has begun to show in my life and ministry. i’ve been meeting with a few college guys who i grew up with this week. They are the same age as the guys i will be working with at UW (these just finished first year). My time and availability here is limited, but i’ve selected a few key guys i am going to pour out into, help start a summer movement, and send back out to their respective UC’s to start movements back there where i’ll be able to continue coaching them. In many ways this is a test run and foretaste of what i’ll be doing at the UW. Growing confident though that this will spread to other campuses.

Why Support Raising Does NOT suck, Part I

(originally posted june 27)
So, I'm nearing the end of my first month of raising support. I'm on staff with Great Commission Ministries (as of a month ago) and will be serving at a campus church I was a part of in college.

This process has been one I can't put into words, but it is different for every person because support raising is more about what God wants to do in your life at that time to reveal more of His heart for you and more of your calling as you prepare for a career of vocational missions. It's been incredible to say the least, I am humbled daily yet in awe of who God is and filled with joy as I realize how great He is again and again.

A friend of mine I met at staff training recently took the words right out of my mouth as he described this process in a series of posts titled, why support raising doesn't suck. I've stolen his for these next few posts.

Here's reasons 1 and 2:

"1 Especially for those who like to be in control, it renders you utterly helpless. Why do we have such weak prayer lives here in the States? Probably because we perceive so little need in light of our affluence. My physical and financial needs have always been met. Never in my life have i been in a place of financial need–until now. There is a different kind of prayer that brings you to your knees all throughout the day, on your face pleading with your Father to provide–because you know if he doesn’t, you don’t eat and your creditors come for you. I would not trade it.

2 Typically people take sinful pride in the work of their hands, even though it is God who has done it. This is what Deuteronomy 8 warns against, but we seldom heed God’s command. If you get the theology of Proverbs 21:1, you get that every name, every phone dial, every person you talk to, every meeting you get, every person who comes on as a supporter–is because of God, not you. And Psalm 127 reminds you that unless the Lord gives you favor, you can’t even get another name to call, let alone someone to meet with you, let alone someone who will support you. Proverbs 16:33 reminds me that it’s all God–therefore to Him be ALL glory and praise; to the Giver.

These are only a few of what could seriously end up at hundreds of reasons why support raising does NOT suck. It’s hard, really hard–but there’s joy in it. Tonight i had an especially awesome meeting with some supporters. Such a blessing and gift; i felt compelled to share a few truths God has been teaching me–especially in light of the way i glibly reply to my friends when they ask about the process, saying, “It sucks…”

Please pray for me to see my sin of pride clearly and repent of it thoroughly. There’s a lot of sweet truth i think God wants to speak to people through me, but i am at risk of ruining it through my arrogance and pride. I hate it and i am praying and pressing into the Holy Spirit to change me. Please pray for me to have a soft heart. I am grateful for my friends who love me enough to truly speak this truth to me in love–there is so much i desire to learn from them in humility. "

reminded of the gospel

(original post june 18 on other blog)

And how the gospel changed MY life
And transformed it

And made that which was ugly, beautiful.

Why I need to be at the shelter…

I am reminded of the power of the gospel in my life.

My roommates and I visited our other roommate Jenni’s church on Sunday since she was leading worship. The pastor talked about the heart of the father nad kept saying we have to rehearse the gospel, we need to be reminded. I’ve had a desire to read through the gospels in the last month so have been doing that when I get a moment but today the gospel intersected my life in such a powerful way…

During the staff meeting today at the shelter, I was struck as I heard one story.

I’m reminded of the power of Jesus Christ.

That he came, died and rose again…

For me.

For my life and yours.

I’m reminded of my story

I’m reminded of my NEED for the gospel

And that I would not be where I am today without it’s hold on my life

I’m reminded that I am a miracle.

That the realization I had a few years ago in Colorado still stands true today, I think that God keeps bringing it up to remind me… to remind me and allow me to celebrate the rescue He’s done in my life and in the lives of those around me… can’t you see it? Can’t you see what God has done? Can’t you see how He is constantly at work to rescue and redeem and restore his lost children?

He keeps reminding me, that the women who have my story, do not have my story. Today, just for a moment, I imagined my life in some of the women’s shoes. I think sometimes too I minimize my story and the stories I hear all the time seem more real and mine seems so far away or that it wasn’t that bad. But when I hear it from someone else’s life I am reminded…

If Christ hadn’t taken a hold of my life, I could very well be in a drug treatment center as well.

If Christ hadn’t taken a hold of my life, I could very well be 24 and have three children to support on my own, with no college education, and not be able to hold a job more than three weeks because of my mental health problems and alchol addiction.

If Christ hadn’t taken a hold of my life, I could very well be selling my body on the streets as the only option I see of supporting my four children.

If Christ hadn’t taken a hold of my life, I could very well be dealing drugs to anyone, even my own teenage kids and their friends, to get by.

If Christ hadn’t taken a hold of my life, I would’ve never experienced… life.

I once was dead and now I live.

He comes to give life and then he makes us a givers of life to others who are dying.

He came and gave me life and now uses me as a life giver. To offer hope with the example of my life and the miracle he has done there.

Sometimes, I just forget. My past does not define me. My life is different now. So sometimes I forget and do not give God the glory. For how different today looks.

I once was lost, and now am found.

I once wondered if I mattered, if life would ever look different or if his was just the way things were supposed to be.

I once questioned if I had any true worth of value, or if I was just an object.

I once lived in fear.

Trapped in my own shame and fighting for my life.

Believing as I was nothing.

Unable to make decisions on my own.

Second guessing everything and everyone.

Then reality collides with my world again and I’m reminded. I’m reminded of the gospel.

3 stabbings in the last 3 weeks. All DV related. (domestic violence).

One murder, her body was chopped up and he threw body parts all over the woods. The body was identified just months ago. Front page of the Tribune for two days. She was a woman we had seen, but was ADA, so we weren’t able to house her onsite but hoteled her. He found her from friends leaking her location. Two months later, she is killed.

Or the woman who is currently in the ER was was stabbed 22 times… later we found not with a knife, but with a syringe. Filled with vicks vapor rub to knock her out.

Then the one that breaks my heart the most is *Sarah.

A lady from a nearby shelter in Fulton called and said they were refusing her becausae everyone is this town knows she’s got issues. Her mental health history extends from schizophrenia, depression, bipolar and PTSD. She hears voices a night. A lot related to PTSD. The stories weren’t matching up. The one from the shelter in Fulton, the one from the nurse at the ER. She was at the ER after being stabbed by her abuser. It was obvious she needed shelter, but they also found out she has chronic homelessness.

She has been bounced around her whole life. The scary part was as they started sharing her extensive childhood abuse, there were so many similarities with my own.

One of my mentors at the Shelter looked at me, but I wouldn’t make eye contact.

How does this stuff happen.

It was like our lives were identical up until a specific point. Where the fork in the road split.

It reminds me of grace.

It reminds me that I am saved by grace alone. And the life I now have is a gift. The life I can now share with people is a privilege. To get to share and see God lift others out of pain as well, it doesn’t have to be specifically the same, pain is pain, is a privilege, not a right.

It reminds me that I was spared for a reason. That it was not of anything I did or have earned, but for the purpose of going and taking part of the rescue mission God already has underway in the lives of others. One life at a time.

Then we find out she’s 19.The whole room gasps. "She's so young," everyone laments.

She’s on 13 different medications.

This place is a mess. But there is hope. Not in a trite, christiany way of looking at things, but no, this place is a mess. The only real solution is Christ coming. Christ coming into the Shelter, Christ coming into the lives of the homeless. Christ coming and loving the people dying of AIDS all over the world. Christ coming for the lonely middle-age wives in suburban America. Christ coming and taking a hold of His people is our only hope. When Christ comes and enters a life, things are never the same. It is our only hope.

Rehearse the gospel… the heart of the father is revealed in the Gospel.

We just have to keep going back to the Gospel. My pastor says this a lot know and this pastor on Sunday said it. That the Gospel is our starting place. We don’t start with the problems or circumstances then ask God for help or try to make sense of it in light of the Gospel, no we start with the Gospel. We start with the Father’s heart. And stand in awe of a love that can never fade.

*name change

abandon

posted on my other blog tuesday june 17:

You ask me for my all
You want to be the One to catch me when I fall
So take it all right now
O God I will abandon myself as I worship
You upon the throne

Man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. these words were nearly audible as I just felt so stupid and kept asking why…

another week of being stretched, of relying and asking you to, waiting for you to provide everything. I do not have the skill set to manage my life, only you do. I’m going to take care of you. You whispered.

There was a critical moment again where I put you on trial. And questioned your goodness. Our gut instinct is to always blame God. Then I started remembering you will take care of me. You are in control. That you are always for me. That you are good and will give me everything that I need.

Deuteronomy 8: 2 Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. 3 He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. 4 Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years.

John 6: 28 Then they asked him, "What must we do to do the works God requires?" 29Jesus answered, "The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent."

Abandon, A beautiful song by Jason Morant

O Lord my God the majesty of Your name

Fills the earth forever I will sing Your praise
O Lord my God keep me safe in You
You have my heart and the rest belongs to You

You ask me for my all
You want to be the One to catch me when I fall
So take it all right now

O God I will abandon myself as I worship
You upon the throne
I will become a living sacrifice
O Lord my God hide me in the shadow of Your wings
And sing to me

O Lord my love when I feel so far from You
You come to me and You heal my heart
You heal my heart

True joy and true trust are only forged in the fires of trials and against the winds of obedience. Where we meet our true and living God.

My life's verse

He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the LORD was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me. 2 Samuel 22

(posted june 16, 2008 on my other blog)

She Must and Shall Go Free

(from my other blog: june 13, 2008)

"THE ENEMY KNOWS WE WILL BE TOO HANDICAPPED TO LIVE IN CONSISTENT VICTORY UNTIL WE ACTIVELY BELIEVE WE ARE WHO GOD SAYS WE ARE." BETH MOORE

So powerful and so true. And I’ll add to Beth’s statement that we will also be handicapped until we actively believe God is who He says He is.The depths of these truths on my heart this week is indescribable and a true reversal in my heart towards God and as a result how I view myself. As Manning likes to say dare to live radically as one loved by God. And I’m finding that love more and more freeing with each day.

This is what He came for, to set the captives free.

deeply loved

(from my other blog: june 11, 2008)

"The splendor of a human heart which trusts that it is loved gives God more pleasure than Westminster Cathedral, the Sistine Chapel, Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, Van Gogh's Sunflowers, the sight of ten thousand butterflies in flight, or the scent of a million orchids in bloom.

Trust is our gift back to God, and he finds it so enchanting that Jesus died for love of it."

- Brennan Manning

It's a great mystery to me why sometime's you feel God's love more on certain days than others. Not that the feeling is what reminds me that I'm loved, but feeling with every part of your being that you are loved, beyond a shadow of a doubt makes everything else melt away in a way that is indescribable.